Title in Progress...Just Like the Rest of the Book.

Pain is a fickle beast. It makes us act irrationally. It makes us do things that are unnatural, things that are unhealthy for ourselves and those around us, and also things that may be just plain dangerous. It damages us, inside and out...beyond repair in some cases, and it makes us re-evaluate how we conduct our lives and how we interact with other people. People who are in pain are difficult to deal with at times; they don't quite see things from your point of view, and even if they do it just doesn't quite fully sink in. These individuals know that they are in pain and there seems to be no way to escape it, but there always is. It might not be the easy way out, nor is it the path you want to choose because of the fear that's instilled in you, but there is ALWAYS a way out, and sometimes you have to be willing enough to open up and let someone in to help you get out of the abyss you seem to be stuck in.

To put it bluntly, pain is a motherfucker...it hurts like hell, we hate it, and that's the plain truth. I know it as well as anybody else. We let it control us and tower over us and we let it dictate our words and actions. We let it shield us from those who love us and care for us so dearly and want nothing but the best for us. We allow it into our lives and we give it free reign over our emotions. Pain does not discriminate...it digs its claws deep into the strongest and most resilient people and reduces them to nothing but an empty shell of what they used to be. People who are beautiful, caring, intelligent, strong, compassionate, determined, successful...even people like that stand no chance when the demon that we call pain plants its roots inside us. To steal a word or three from Ozzy Osbourne, pain at its best is a 'killer of giants'. Nobody is immune. Even the mighty fall.

We get so used to what that pain feels like that feeling anything else becomes foreign; it becomes almost unwanted. Moments of levity, moments of happiness, moments of joy...we sometimes become uncomfortable at those times because those are emotions that have been absent so long we are no longer equipped with the knowledge that we need to effectively handle them. We get confused and think to ourselves...

"Am I supposed to be happy right now? Why do I feel joy at this particular moment? Why do I not feel pain? Jesus Harold Christ, what the fuck is wrong with me? Where's my pain??"

...but for some reason, it feels good!  At that precise moment that our pain is temporarily lifted, the wall comes down a bit and we see things clearly...we see that there is no more need for pain because there are other emotions we find happiness and joy in that we are finally able to appreciate and let flow through our being. It becomes crystal clear to us that there is no more need for pain in our lives...that we have a better way. Let that newly-found clarity drive you...let it show you that there IS something else out there besides the pain you so despise with every fiber of your being. Let it help you allow yourself to be loved and cherished and held and told what you so desperately need to hear. After all...there aren't any fairy tales and happy endings in hell.

The Long Lost Blog about the Second Coolest Guy Alive

Some people are wondering why I've been kind of a different person lately...why I've seemingly lost a fair amount of weight, why I've been seeking the company of friends more than normal, why I don't seem myself. The last few months of my life have been trying...more so than normal. I've had to face some hard truths about myself and how I've lived my life. Some good, some not so good. But that's ok...I've learned things about myself that will hopefully help to make me a better person for those who encounter me in the future.

I won't lie. I won't sugarcoat things. I've been an asshole. I've done things that not only affected myself but many people around me, and looking back at my actions, I feel horrible for that. I do have a few morals left, after all these years. I was conceited, arrogant, crass, ignorant, and selfish. I hurt people around me who loved me so dearly with little or no regard for anyone's feelings but my own. I could say SO much more but I'd prefer to keep this simple...as simple as I can, anyways. To those of you in my wake...I sincerely apologize. But, there are times in my life that I must admit complete and utter defeat...this is one of those times, as hard as that is for me to admit.

There are some who know the specifics of the previous month or two of my life, but there are many, many more who do not. Some very close friends of mine have offered me their love and support as I've dealt with something rather painful and difficult...for that I thank you immensely. One of my dearest friends recently kept me from doing something very...unpleasant. That short-lived phase of my life is over and I don't want to revisit it.

And now I draw a blank...as is my usual MO.

Anyways...as I was saying. Or wasn't saying...like the sentence above states. I will bounce back stronger than ever...I will emerge victorious. I will adapt and overcome. I have no option. Falling apart for me right now at this point in my life is NOT feasible in any way, shape or form. Now, more than ever, I MUST win. No exceptions.