I'm colder than I used to be. It seems that as of late, I haven't had as much emotional involvement in certain things as I previously did. Do I just not care? Am I having an early mid-life crisis? Who knows. What I DO know is that after months and months of systematic emotional turmoil and trauma, I guess I just don't give a shit anymore. I'm starting to not like some people as much as I used to. My behavior is erratic...more so than usual. Day by day I grow more and more tired of my situation and the more and more I can't wait to get out of it. The drama, the fighting, the back stabbing, the bullshit that comes with it all...it's wearing me down and I can't wait to get away from it. I don't want to spend one more disgusting minute here than I have to.
Sure, there are things that I'm going to miss. My favorite coffee shop and the few good friends I have there. Same goes for work. There are a few people I'll miss there as well. My family, of course. They'll all understand why I can't wait to leave. Very few will notice that I'm even gone. For example...I recently had a back injury and needed to take some time off. The first and only person that even noticed my normal routine was amiss and I hadn't been around...the owner of the coffee shop. My boss called to make sure I was doing ok, and that was nice too. My parents, of course...they made sure I was doing alright. It hurts that people who I was once so close to...almost like family, really...have not once bothered to ask how I am. That hurts. It hurts and no, I don't like it. I don't like it and I'm not going to put up with it.
In a time frame of about three years, after I've had a chance to tie up some loose ends and make some arrangements, I will be leaving this fine city that I live in to undertake a new adventure. I don't know where it is yet, but as long as it's not here I will be perfectly happy. I won't look back and I may not even say goodbye. Pretty sure there won't be any broken hearts...not even mine.
